I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize