Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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