Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
