My hand turned me down
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
