Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
