The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
