I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
