very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
