she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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