You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Be still, my beating vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize