Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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