well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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