We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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