How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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