What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
