So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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