Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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