Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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