summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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