You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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