Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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