they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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