yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
