so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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