i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
soo... how was my night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
