There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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