She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
