I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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