I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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