My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
