I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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