The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
