So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
