he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
