Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
