A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
