Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
