Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
