I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
