it hurts more in the daytime
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
