Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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