i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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