i already hear my dad disowning me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
