All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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