Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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