Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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