News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
