I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
