We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
