And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
