You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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