ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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