Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
