Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize