somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
