4 words: hood of his car
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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