It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
