If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize