She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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