hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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