I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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