piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize