you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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