she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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