it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you traded sex for a burrito?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
