She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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