dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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