he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
