My nipple is on Facebook.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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