Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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