i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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