I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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