If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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