I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
