i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize