I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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