got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then he peed in my hair
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