Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
