It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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