I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
vagina is talking i cant
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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