don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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