My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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