Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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