I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
