she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
