Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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