everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize