Ambien. No doubt about it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
