I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the day after is always just damage control
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
