Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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