I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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