Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
