addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
