i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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