im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Randomize
